Complex Simplicities
Does it really matter what other's think of what you say? In this day and age, apparently so. So let them feast on my words!
Since I have absolutely nothing to do at work, I figured I’d just use part of my brain today.
The day the world simultaneously did a fistpump…
What happens when you put 4 Guidos, 4 Guidettes, 8 egos, 50 cases of tequilla/jager/goose, 45 STDs, and a hot tub together? You get a concoction that is dangerous enough where even Chinese scientists would not dare tamper with, and classy enough for MTV to air called “Jersey Shore.” “I think I got pink eye from watching it.” -Bill Simmons.
Tiger Tiger Woods, Ya’ll!
^ wait…isn’t she in Jersey Shore?!
Tiger Woods ran into a tree two weeks ago, and 7 sluts fell out. There are two sides to this. 1) Tiger’s a douche. Everyone knows this even before this whole situation. So what’s the difference now that its been exposed that he’s been cheating on his wife? Nothing. He’s still a douche. A douche with a bank account that would make Michael Jordan blush, but that’s besides the point. 2) These women are money grubbing whores. 2 women are confirmed, one of which basically sold out Tiger’s clean cut image for a 6 figure payout from US Magazine. Now another gaggle of these sluts are coming out claiming they’ve seen Tiger’s putter. Two sub-points: 2a) Any crazy could come out claiming to have choked down on his 9 iron and the media will love it. 2b) THEY’RE ALL OUT FOR YO MONAYYYYY! My advice to the Kobe of Golf: Get your stories straight, Buy your wife a Kobe Special, win 6 more majors, and move on.
Audiobooks
Bought my first audiobook on iTunes yesterday. Then I realized that it might be online for free. I found it. Lesson Learned: before purchasing anything online, do a google search.
Today at Work…
^This was just her breakfast…
(Woman ordering giving her holiday lunch order to a co-worker) “I’m on a diet so I dun want too much. Just gimme a chicken parm…and dem kobe beef sliders…oh and do those come with fries? No? Well just order me some cheesefries then. Oh and I gots to get me some of dat cheesecake too. *Phew* cuttin’ down is hard!” (Initial eyeball weight estimate stands at 250lbs+, but will need to confer with NASA for more accurate data)
